We're drunk and desperate, Xan and Leyla rolling
around in their new love, Polaroids flashing, ashes from our cigarettes
falling on the floor, skateboards rolling back and forth along the
hallways, hibiscus juice and vodka sliding down our throats, desperate
laughs, barely checked tears, destruction,, desperation, we are happy, we
are alive, we will survive this, life moves on, a Polaroid of me - bleary
eyed, pig tails, sadness around the mouth, trash every where, Josh
staggering, Xan and Leyla kissing, love love love can it conquer all?
I want it to... So much love so much love why can't it heal our
hearts why can't it soothe our minds?
Josh hides in the curtains snapping pictures of
kisses, of me typing, of the kitties, why can't it soothe our minds?
why why why
Why the death, why the sadness
why Xan's mom why my dad why these people, these
thousands of people?
It's not fair, never fair
My heart is sad for these people I feel the pain for
these people.
The incomprehensible pain, the disbelief - it can't be true - I saw
them this morning, I talked to them yesterday - life was normal, we talked
of normal things, we never believed that these things could happen to us.
These are the things that happen elsewhere, that happen to those we
don't know, that happen to nameless people and faceless faces, we feel sad
for them, we feel empathy, but we don't feel pain. We don't feel heart
rending heart ripping pain, until now. until now.
I'm drunk I'm sad.
Fall is the time of sadness, Fall is the time of
death, the time of mortality.
Fall is the time to drink and forget...
