Writing While White

I'm your only friend
I'm not your only friend
But I'm a little glowing friend
But really I'm not actually your friend
But I am

Well, looks like the roto-rooting of the site's black holes shall be done "time to time", so you'll have to bear with us.  This year we actually started sending out reply messages to those of you who indicated "Contact Requested" and give an actual email.  Anonymous Cowards only get this page in response.

Naturally, one of us (we won't name names here) forgot to keep some of the replies.  So if you get a different reply here, just remember we were drunk that night and likely can't remember where we put the car keys either.

Edward Baltz Rose lead off the year with the query "my life, i cannot understand it, why? I think i'm a narcisitic boy!!!".

Well, aren't we all?  We can't understand our own lives either.  Take for instance the other night...  Please. <Rim Shot/>. 

Ed, you indicated your 4D coordinates were in hell.  If you can be more precise, we can give you better directions to the ice cream stand.  Just wait for the Deputy Dan hologram.  Deputy Dan is your friend.

Tyler Durden apparently graced our presence and asked: "WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES OF INVENTING A TIME MACHINE AND RETURNING TO YOUR OWN CHILDHOOD AND SEXUALLY ABUSING YOURSELF?"

As far as we're concerned, none.  We haven't found any time police in our travels yet, so there is no higher authority.  So unless we hear from some alien civilization soon, there's no one else to ask.  We think the real question that should be asked is likely "What are the consequences of worrying about the answer to the previous question?"

Again, we stress that the yellow rubber lines are there for your safety and protection.

Edward Rose returned with a suggestion of "i love the hate": "i hate the lover, but i lovr the hater!!!"

Uh, yea.  This is a big Universe (by definition), and certainly in this bizarre nexus we find ourselves in we can start re-wiring our drives and pleasure centers with complete odd behavior.  Anyways, we live by the admonition to "Pull the wool over your own eyes".  Some ways can be fun.

But it's advisable to at least develop good camouflage for parties and other social occasions.  Especially if you're a nacissistic boy ☺

They may be pink, but their money is indeed green.

The Hellblazer site was then graced a second time by Mr. T. Durden with the commandment "you will answer us. what are the consequences of inventing a time machine and returning to your childhood and sexuallly abusing yourself ?. have you got the bollocks to give us an answer ?. constantine would. "

Hey, you didn't say we had a time limit dude.  You don't give an email address or valid 4D coordinates, you have to wait for the roto-rooting.

It doesn't take much bollocks to answer, really.

Right around the 9/11 tragedy, the tone of the feedback picked up by our site's black hole turned more positive (in a strange sort of way.

Jer posed the question about an "Old Lover": "If the end of the world isn't enough reason for her to call me, then why am I so hung up?"

Our initial response is lost in time.  We think it was some rambling response about how some of us deal with getting over a lost love.  Mostly with the adage of drinking to forget and the reminder that some of us are still not over lost loves after all this time.

Jer then returned with a moderately long feedback (we like moderately long feedback) concerning a new quandary he had found himself in:

"Hola!! First I'd like to thank whoever responded to my last question. After I finished swimming across the sea of tequila, I found myself on the far shore, none the worse for wear, with  the slow dawning realization, I had gotten away scot-free."

Glad to hear it.  Some of us are still wading through the pain and the suffering of current loves gone wrong and are not taking the advice.  They have not reached the other side.

"Now, the current quandery. Did you ever find yourself sleeping with that ONE person whom you've sworn to yourself, your friends and all the gods who would listen, that you would never, under any circumstances, sleep with? And then some idiot flies a plane into a building."

Did we ever!  In fact, every single one of us has slept with just about everyone we swore we would never sleep with.  Some of them twice.

Didn't take a terrorist act to do it.  Usually just a depressing day and a couple of beers for the males of us.  The females usually are quite careful as to drinking and so required sneakier means - usually guilt.

The only regrets we have are the sheepish looks when we pass them on the streets sometimes.  Sex is sex, after all.

"Just wondered. Oh, hey? It would be exceedingly cool if someone could cruise by my web page and get the Constantine to sign the guest book.  Many of my friends and fans of the art would get a kick out of seeing it there."

Done.

Tim Hunter asked a basic question about the Hellblazer site, and John himself was feeling magnanimous and responded to the next response personally:

"I found your site while searching for a website about John Constantine, DC comic's Hellblazer. While your site intrigues me, I've read a few articles and still have no idea whether or not I found a site about John Constantine.  I'm incredibly confused. Please, tell me, what in the bloody hell is your site about?"

That information is classified.  Not because of any state secrets, but because we/I simply don't know ourselves.  I/We're just meat puppets dancing to the tune played by this refugee from some corporate sin galaxy.  Ever since we/I have been reincarnated into twelve different bodies simultaneously, I/we've been taking advantage of the strategic advantage this provides to expand our investigations.

So far, it still remains an entirely confusing world, with no purpose.  Much like my/our site.

Hope you enjoyed this little bit of serendipity and that you were pleasantly amused.

An Anonymous Coward decended from the heavens and proclaimed "COWARDICE IN DISAGREEMENT IS PARADOX. UNREST IS HEALTHY. YOU PUFF THE WRONG KIND OF SMOKESCREENS. WHERE IS BALANCE IN ENDLESS LIGHT? FOOLS, INDEED. COWARD? HALF THE TIME. EAT. BTW, COULD DO MORE THAN JUST REVAMP FRAMES."

Some people are just never satisfied.  We thought we did far more than just change our FrontPage themes (no frames on this site).  We'll have you know that we spent nearly thirty bucks on these snazzy new themes and an ungodly amount of time tweaking colors.  Then we got kinda lazy again.  Regression of the mean and all that.

allout_helter dropped by and tipped his hat with:

"so, there's really a hellblazer.com, huh? weird how a character who's at once a hippie, independently wealthy, some kind of archetypal fool, and in some frighteningly subtle way omnipotent can be written for so easily, and effectively. good job. i personally think alan moore is overrated (please put down the rocks. thanks.) and that constantine is the vehicle for something bigger and more powerful than himself, and i doubt it's any of the sub-genius, principia dischordia type stuff. people who build sites like this (which i happen to like, incidentally) should try to find out what that force is, and not keep making john do all these dances... recreate it in clearer, more accurate ways... the whole industry's gotten too culty. oh well. i guess the author(s) pull all the strings. i had some free time...."

Glad you stopped by and liked what we've done with the place.

As to your points, we completely agree.

Basically, we feel that the same critique can be applied to the human condition as well.  Part of the thing that really irritates us is the obvious fact that who ever is writing this universe is getting very bored and is simply out of ideas.

Seeing as how we don't really have any ideas, either, and yet we feel compelled to keep writing anyway...  Well, I guess we can't really be too critical.  But heck, they are, like, a zillion times more powerful than us. It's just kind of depressing to realize that even those writing the skore aren't any more creative than we tend to be.

As to the archetype, and the investigation there-of, it's kind of the reason we rely heavily on the pseudonym.  Investigated a lot of Crowley and other such things in our misspent youth.  "The method of science, the aim of religion" and all that.  Studied far more of the qabala than is really recommended - kind of like overloading on Vitamin A.  It ain't water soluble, is stored in fat, and can build up to poisonous concentrations.

After a decade long stint in the Buckminster Fuller Synergetics mines, we emerged a little bit more balanced.  Now the idea floating around our bizarre group is simply just the fractal expression of a core 12 around 1 model for both the abstract and physical universe.

To this end, we've been starting a meme classification project.  Nothing formal, just something on the level of alchemy and astrology.  We figure that this is a time honored tradition of starting the scientific investigation - simple classification and cross referencing...  Based on ignorance and superstition.

But maybe it'll make the story more interesting for a while.

Again, thanks for dropping by...

Miles found our site and apparently loved it:

"This is probably the greatest website i've ever encountered throughout all my days on the net. I have no clue what it's about but i've enjoyed my every second browsing whatever it is you have to offer. Cheers (cause cocktails are better with cigs) Miles"

Many thanks for your kind words.  It's really a pointless web site, just an outlet for the various urges we have.

We're glad you found it enjoyable, and doubly glad you cared enough to let us know.

Cheers (cause we *all* love cigars here)

Matt Magus dropped by again with:

"Wow...I hadn't realized you guys had linked me...thank you. Also, I've been doing some catching up with the articles on your site this evening and, well, damn you guys are doing a good job...I had always had you guys bookmarked, but now I'm going to go right now and put a link to you in the link section of my diary.."

You're making us blush.  Well the wine helps a lot with that, but you get the idea.

We love your diary and just the general idea of the diary land site.

Note that your site has been catalogued by Alexa.  No one will have a compatible browser to actually read the HTML 100 years from now, but it'll still be cool to actually have a snapshot of it for the grand kids.

Well, we hope that everyone and everything out there in the vast space of cyber land had a very good Thanksgiving.  There's a lot to be thankful for now-a-days, and we won't bother you with what we're thankful for.

But we do advise you to take some time and count your blessings every once and a while.

November 25, 2001