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October 10, 2003
Return Of The Living Dead
Ah, the oldies are the goodies. Rolled out once more because the Zombiestm simply refuse to die. Because of honor or just a complete psychotic delusion brought about by too much Oxycontin, the Administration and their toady journalists are trotting out the same old excuses for not finding Weapons of Mass Destructiontm
So, once more with feeling
The Top Ten Excuses For Not Finding WMDs
10 - Iraqi weapons program personnel fooled Saddam into believing he had a WMD program. These sly jokers also fooled the US into believing this as well.
9 - Saddam managed to scrub Iraq so clean, the CSI team from the TV show of the same name can't even tell they've ever been there. Our vast intelligence didn't detect a thing.
8 - Syria felt so confident about having the US armed forces on their border, they decided to take the WMD hot potato from Iraq. Our vast intelligence didn't detect a thing.
7 - Iran, with their own nuclear bombs just months away, decided that they needed to trade up to Anthrax and VX. Our vast intelligence didn't detect a thing.
6 - Saddam, Über-capitalist, used the vast wealth of Iraq's oil to create a really, really huge Just In Time WMD factory. All he was waiting for was a purchase order from Ossama.
5 - There were so many strategic reasons to take over the country, the only one we thought the American electorate would buy was Weapons of Mass Destruction.
4 - By the time we got around to searching things, the looters had kept themselves warm at night by burning the incriminating documents in radioactive drums they found lying around.
3 - Hey, we found some Trailers of Hydrogen Production. That sounds like Weapons of Mass Destruction if you say it fast enough.
2 - It's a country the size of California. That's a heck of a lot of oil wells and pumping stations to get on line, you know.
1 - We all believed Bill Clinton's CIA director that told us WMDs were there. Just goes to show how soft Democrats are on national security.
[hat tip to James. I would have never stomached the Krauthammer propaganda were it not for his reading. [ I'll send the bill for the dry cleaning -ed] ]
Posted by Azael at October 10, 2003 07:11 PM
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Comments
I really enjoyed those Excuses for Not Finding Weapons of Mass Destruction. Here's a couple more excuses we might be likely to hear from George Dubya:
12. "We were really looking for Bin Laden, but we came up dry on that lead as well."
11. "I just like using the phrase "smoking gun." "
10. "We've only looked through 99% of the country"
9. "We spent entire budget making those "Iraq's Most Wanted" playing cards"
8. "Containers were found, but labeled in some crazy language"
7. "They must have been stolen by some of them evil X-Men mutants"
6. "Did I say Iraq has weapons of mass destruction? I meant they have goats"
5. "How are we supposed to find weapons of mass destruction when we can't even find Cheney?"
4. "All this time Iraq's weapons scientists were secretly developing their own Hulk."
3. "When you're trying to find something, it's always in the last place you look, am I right, people?"
2. "We found stockpiles of Iraqi weapons, but at several points "plutonium" was crossed out and "chocolate milk" was written in.
1. "We didn't realize that Hans Blix spent most of his time checking Iraqi McNuggets with his geiger counter."
Posted by: Glenno at June 30, 2004 06:46 PM
Your #3 made me crack up. Glad you liked the list. Ah, for the old days, back before I became shrill and unfunny.
Posted by: Hal at June 30, 2004 07:34 PM
