April 2006 Archives

Why no special prosecutor for the latest CIA leak case? 

Allow me this opportunity to display my profound ignorance regarding the meaning of the phrase "Conflict of Interest".

The Utterly Clueless Joe Wilson

If you peer through the bottom of this whiskey glass, and squint your eyes just right, you can constrict your view of the clues lying around in plain sight and therefore, through the distortion, almost make it look like Wilson is as clueless as I am

Kind of surreal lately, ain't it? We're not even out of Iraq - heck, Iraq isn't even in anything remotely approaching a stable state - and all the war hawks have a hard-on thinking about how cool it will be when we bomb the shit out of the Iranian civilian population. Because they deserve it.

Myself, I'm particularly enamored by the refusal to take nuclear weapons off the table. I mean, what big cahones you must have to use atom bombs to take out nuclear facilities that are perfectly legal under the nuclear non proliferation treaty. Don't get me wrong. I actually do think that the current president of Iran is a fascist. But then so is the current whatever you call him of North Korea. Well, more of a totalitarian dick head, but since fascist is the term the ill informed use to describe totalitarian despots of any stripe... After all, one does what one must.

And speaking of "doing what one must", I have to stand in stunned awe of the ability of the Judeo-Christians to get firmly behind a plan which will almost certainly kill hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of innocent civilians as they attempt to dig out facilities they have no idea where they are. It's at times like this I'm reminded of the phrase "Kill them all. God will sort them out" - kind of puts a whole medieval pastel wash across the whole
thing, don't it?

And the whole way they have everything "driving" them to this decision is way cool. It's like they're on auto pilot - almost like they are all a bunch of apocalyptics who believe that the end times are upon us and are doing everything they can to bring it about. I mean, how cool is that? They don't want to do it. They are being forced to do it. They simply have no choice.

An ex drunk who found religion who now believes he's the right hand of god who's about to unleash nuclear fire upon the infidels.

Really. You couldn't make this stuff up. You would be laughed out of the science fiction writers' coffee klatch if you had scribbled down this plot on a paper napkin with a crayon that was helpfully provided by the Chuckee Cheese staff.

Incredible.

So, it's going to be pretty darn cool. The moment those bombs hit, this country is pretty much over. Nah, we'll still be around. But the entire world is going to be arrayed against us. Some of them because they are well and truly horrified that the country which not only invented the nuclear bomb, is not only the singular country to have used the nuclear bomb in an act of war (against civilians, 'natch) - twice! - has not only used nukes again (sorry about all those hospitals n' such - they were over the facilities we were trying to dig out), but we're doing so without even being attacked! The rest of them will be tearing each other apart for the chance to truly wage a war against that lovely country that just vaporized a bunch of Muslims. Somehow I don't think there's going to be enough bombs to save us from one pissed off world.

Y'see, it's all because we're the most powerful country around - a country that stared down thousands of nuclear tipped intercontinental ballistic missiles squarely aimed at our population centers by that old cold war relic country - I forget the name, now. We're so incredibly powerful that we are positively terrified by a country which is ten years away from making a bomb. Not just that, but considering the entity we're supposedly protecting by this first strike with a nuclear weapon - that would be Israel - has approximately 150 of their own nukes and can flatten Iran all by their lonesome with their cruise missiles, submarines, long range bombers and missiles of their own that are equipped with said nuclear weapons.

Yep. It's going to be Armageddon. And every fuck wit that supported Iraq because of god only knows what reason they tell themselves at night so they can sleep are lining up behind a nuclear first strike against Iran. I can't wait to hear another sermon from Smoking Joe Lieberman or the literary equivalent of a wagging finger from Peter "I can't get no satisfaction" Beinart. Forget about the right wing - heck, I expect them to be loony toons. But you have to be extra special cool to be a democrat and be behind a nuclear first strike against a country that hasn't even attacked you and - quite frankly - doesn't even have the means to attack you.

Lord have mercy. You people are literally insane. Maybe we can get Matt Welch to start up his war blogging again so we can all be enthralled by his sophistry when explaining why everyone who's against genocide by nuclear bombs is a big Neville Chamberlain weenie of liberal proportions - it's all just a natural extension of the selfish, Libertarian goals of self preservation.

Let's roll

Maybe we'll be treated to yet another trillion word, after the fact justification by that famous mouth breather Steven DenBeste. Heck, I think Jeff Goldstein will literally have non stop orgasms during the entire bombing campaign and will still be thrilling for the duration of the radioactive contamination.

Well, at least I have finally figured out why we can't find signs of any other life in our immediate vicinity. There hasn't been a species who has figured out how to keep their religion from controlling the buttons of their nuclear tipped dicks - or a way to keep their bed wetting brigade from egging them on in fear.

Going to be an interesting summer. $150 barrels of oil, mushroom clouds. Vap-o-rized collateral damage.

Smells like victory, don't it?

Today Matt Welch has a mea culpa post up entitled Farewell to Warblogging: I used to think blogs would transform ideologues into nonpartisan truth-seekers. Man, was I wrong.. As they say, read the whole thing, but what I thought was hilarious is that the whole thing is kind of a perfect microcosm of what's wrong with Libertarian thought.

First, let's point out the fact that Matt's blog's title was rather odd: Warblog. Here's his first post on that aptly named blog

Welcome to War. Sounds like a strange and unpleasant thing to say, but these are strange and unpleasant times, requiring unusual responses. Like many of you, I am reading and hearing and watching too much about the wicked horror of Sept. 11, and finding it a challenge to keep track of how it is already changing our lives. The biggest question facing Americans and other decent people is how the civilized world and its strongest country should respond to this mass murder. I, for one, advocate a Global War to abolish terrorism. Many of you probably disagree. There are -- largely thanks to the values championed by the United States -- many forums to argue over the many issues that are already cropping up, from concerns over reduced civil liberties to an amazing increase in government secrecy. This will be mine ... and yours too, should you want to e-mail me, and agree to let me share it with the others. There aren't many who can think and write clearly in the wake of this terrible sadness, and I don't claim to be one of them, but I will try. This site will also be a press review, allowing you and me both to monitor and react to coverage and opinion as it happens. I had always hoped to conduct my affairs without resorting to the blog, but new times call for new media. Let's roll.

Emphasis, mine

One of the things that always struck me as more than a bit strange about the Libertarians was this overwhelming tendency to jump up and start shooting at the drop of a hat. Now, granted, there are a few prominent Libertarians who don't think war should be a first resort, and who aren't first and foremost a gun owner (and an American citizen second). But, quite frankly, this brand of Libertarian is so few and far between that I think you have to count them as noise on the pure and undeniable signal of Libertarianism that pulsates from Matt's first post: Let's Roll.

If you continue to read Matt's further posts, you'll see why I don't think the man has much to be proud of regarding the war in Iraq. It's pretty clear from the get go that his blood thirst was awakened on September 11th, and from the get-go he was using his podium as a propaganda tool for the war. Bashing democrats, slamming peace protesters, hyping WMDs - you name it.

So now he's all "boo hoo" about the demise of war blogging and the fact that it didn't, after all, lead to an enlightened age of reason. Funny how that works. You spend all your time degrading discourse in a single minded attempt to work out your fear issues by beating up the left and what is the result?

Michelle Malkin, to name one writer revered by warbloggers (her site recently won Best Blog in an annual poll organized by Right- WingNews.com), is to critical thinking what Ralph Nader is to libertarianism—a very good example of the opposite. The basic scholarship of her 2004 book In Defense of Internment was cut to ribbons by Japanese-internment historian Eric L. Muller (see “Indefensible Internment,” December 2004), yet many of the same people who once trumpeted bloggers’ ability to “fact-check your ass” simply shrugged, continued treating Malkin as a trustworthy source, and saved their real journalism criticism for those partisan hacks at CBS News and The New York Times.

Yes, Matt. You were wrong. But you weren't just wrong in your predictions of an enlightened age of reason.

I'm always bemused by the "washing of the hands" post. I suppose it's traditional when one leaves one job for another (Matt is leaving to take a job the LA Times). But in reading Matt's blog, it's pretty clear that he was part and parcel of the very thing he's reviling. In his Pontius Pilot post, he produces the usual "Pox On Both Their Houses" example of Glennocide Reynolds and Oliver Willis

Glenn Reynolds and Oliver Willis—to pick two bloggers who were often in agreement with one another in the fall of 2001—have for the last three years almost always been on the opposite side of every major political controversy, from the administration’s reasoning for invading Iraq to the outing of CIA agent Valerie Plame down to the relevance of this or that public opinion poll.

Willis is now apt to give posts about Reynolds titles like “Flip Flopping Glenn” and “More Cowardice from Glenn Reynolds”; the Instapundit, meanwhile, has taken to calling Willis (who now works for the progressive watchdog Media Matters) a “paid flack.”

What's creepy in this is Matt's transition to the dark side is that Matt doesn't see his own hand in this political split. For example, just look at the second post off of his aptly named Warblog

We need to think very clearly, from here on out. Part of that process is assessing, with as much accuracy as possible, whether the suicide attackers' general complaint against America is valid. Are we an Evil Empire? I say we are not, and those who argue that we are, either believe that Henry Kissinger still runs our foreign policy, or that all armies should be dismantled, or that the Cold War never ended. For years, such delusional ideas were quaint little debate points, fodder for writing centrist columns for a Leftist audience. Now, they are the very foundation of the life-and-death struggles to come next. I'm willing to admit, and have always been willing to admit, that America has done some dastardly things in the name of democracy. Are you willing to admit that it also the primary source for geopolitical good?

Myself, I find it pretty scary that this, in a nutshell, is still the primary argument used by this Administration and their supporters to bash anyone and everyone who is against the madness. Of course, the argument has taken off from its humble beginnings, but the form remains the same. The whole issue with Valerie Plame and Joe Wilson is framed as a defensive act by those who just want to show the United State's "good" side in the struggle against Those Who Would Destroy Us With Facts^tm.

So, glad you're waving it all goodbye, Matt. Wash those hands and be sure to scrub with soap.

Myself, I don't think the mess you enthusiastically helped create will wash off quite that easily. I think the peasants with their pitchforks and torches will be wanted a word with you regarding your creation.

In the past few weeks, the talking point that Mexican immigrants only do the work that no other red blooded American will do has become firmly fixed in the political narrative. Since this has now become common wisdom, and looking for opportunities to make lemonade from lemons, I thought it would be useful to start a list of other jobs in the current Administration that no other red blooded American is willing to do and see if we can get some Mexican immigrants or - better yet - prison convicts to do them for us. Note that this is just a preliminary list off the top of my head. I'm sure that if we put our collective heads together we can find thousands of potential jobs we can farm out.

Post Invasion Occupation Planning - As we've seen in Afghanistan and especially in Iraq, we seem to have a pressing need for people who can effectively plan (well, let's be honest and say any planning at all, effective or not, is required) the post invasion occupation. Seems like we can certainly save a boatload of money by farming this critical job out to immigrants or convicts.

Budget Director - let's face it. This Administration simply can't balance our collective budget - i.e. this is a job that we find Americans are completely unwilling to do. Myself, I would skip the immigrants and hand this directly to the convicts. We won't know the difference anyway.

Truth Teller - again, it seems completely impossible to find someone to tell anything approaching the truth in this administration. We can use convicts here as well because no one would be able to tell the difference.

Energy Policy - wait a minute. Sorry about that suggestion. Criminal convicts are already doing this job.

Terrorist Catcher - whoops. Again, we seem to be farming this out to Pakistan, Afghanistan and Iraq. I guess this more outsourcing that immigration workers. I'm pretty sure this job is also currently being done by convicts as well.

Protector of Identities of Undercover WMD CIA Operatives - Another dirty job that someone has got to do. I guess we can hire back Scooter Libby after we convict him. Maybe Rove will be available in a fashionable black and white striped suit as well.

<sigh> well, that's all I have the heart for currently. At first I thought this would be a great joke. But now that I've done a couple I'm actually far more depressed about the reality.