Attack of the penis ads

Auto Rant # 534

By "Bob's" beard. I think I've finally had it "up to here" with these well meaning people wanting to sell me magic beans which will either enlarge my member or allow me to become engorged in under three minutes. As my email is all over the net, I'm now at 75% spam in my accounts. There has to be something that can be done. I shudder to think that the internet will be destroyed because of this marketing to men's insecurities. But maybe it would be fitting end to this information processing experiment of our species.

I try not to think about it too much because it depresses me.

Being unplugged from fire hoses of information gives one a lot of time to think. Circuits normally devoted to harvesting information and crunching it into tasty bite sized treats are longing for work - anything to keep themselves occupied. It's a rather entertaining state to maintain. I'm not sure what the name of the yoga practice, but there is this discipline where you work up to the point where you are about to join with a god/ess and then you switch to a new one. A constant state of frustration, but then you transcend (hopefully) to the point where you see each god/ess as simply an aspect of the whole.

But back to penis enlargement.

I simply can't believe that there are still apologists for the Iraq war. Really. What are they defending? Even David Kay has left in a huff, salvaging the shreds of his reputation in his "tell all" exposé of what he didn't find and how he didn't find it. Ye gods! Talk about money for nothing! David Kay spent 1 Billion Dollars (well, just under it) ensuring what we actually suspected all along.

A Billion Dollars! What a frickin' sweet job! It's like every academic's research grant wet dream rolled into one. A Billion Dollars! I just can't get over that figure. Even more mind boggling is that they're not done yet. David Kay made the wise decision to get out while the getting is good, but now they have a new stooge to make doggone sure that there isn't any shred of evidence that Iraq had anything remotely resembling Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Another Billion Dollars slushes through the system. A tribute to the crony capitalism that is inherent in operational basis of the gilded age in which we live.

And gilded it is! Penis enlargement pills? Is this truly the age of miracle and wonder? Imagine! I can enlarge my penis by just popping a pill.

Still can't feed everyone. Still can't give everyone basic health care and a roof over their head. But I can finally swing a big stick. And get that stick up in a respectable amount of time so as to not spoil the mood.

Geesh.

And so I'm kind of disappointed that the Deanster didn't keep it up. I really can't blame the man, though. It's really a blood supply problem. Not enough voters. And since it's voters that count, it didn't matter what kind of staying power Dean had, it was the Dean machine that didn't pull through.

A lack of will is a hard one to explain, with a long history of dead bodies of philosophers trying to explain it. It seems to my observation that pretty much everyone is rejoicing that the "angry" liberals didn't win. Seeing as how we appear to be about 1/3 of the liberals who actually manage to do something, I would say that we're not really something to be ignored, either.

Still, I'm surprised. I actually thought that people would be angry about the 500 or so people who have died in pursuit of this boondoggle called the Iraq war. And if 500 seems like a small number, how about the 10,000 or so that are injured for life? Nothing like losing a leg to make the next forty years of your life a manly experience, eh?

Wonder if they're going to make leg replacement pills any time soon. . .

In any event, I am rather disappointed that there isn't more passion about people who put their life on the line for us. When idiots call on them, they still do their job and pay for it the rest of their lives.

I guess it's no big deal to the people who still defend the war. Sure, eggs need to be broken to make the occasional omelet. . . No argument from me on that point. But I do have to wonder what the whole point was? 20 years from now they'll be a stable democracy and the world will be a better place for that?

Yea, good thing. Thumbs up on that!

But what's the cost? If you pay $500 a $20 dollar bowling ball, you didn't get a bargain. Even if the $500 was in the form of a donation to the Boy's and Girl's club association of America (a wonderful group, I might add). You can say it was for a good cause, but geez. . . If you're going to donate to charity, then why the "carry a big stick" routine? What? You have to beat the shit out of everyone on the playground to prove a point?

But back to the penis ads.

It's my contention that the entire prosecution of the Iraq war should be viewed as a year long penis ad. The entire exercise was one of base appeal to the part of the male (and female) psyche that believes such blatant idiocy. The lizard brain (if you'll excuse the term) that simply reacts on the level of survival and safety. Big == safe. Firm == strong. Virility == moral righteousness. It's like a Freud fest-o-thon.

So, if we do all go the way of the dinosaurs, I'll know why. It wasn't because of our devastating military weapons. It wasn't because of the diabolical plans of a few evil individuals.

Nope.

It's because penis ads have taken over the gestalt that is the United States. We've all collectively lost our minds and have succumbed to the blessed slumber of a world where you can simply take a pill to solve your most pressing problem. Only now we're acting this out with the most sophisticated and mind bogglingly effective military on the planet.

And boy do the chicks dig it.

Or so I hear. . .